Considering the history of D’ Frendz, Alfie and I are the oddity – or should I daresay, the aberration – of the group. In our 16 odd years as friends, “fights” are few and far between within the gang. The last major one was the “Tintin-Grace cold war” in the mid-90s.
After that, I don’t recall any big fights nor major dramas between anyone in the group. For more than a decade, everything was calm and smooth sailing, or so it seems.
Unbeknownst to the other Frendz, Alfie and I actually stopped talking to each other and given each other the cold shoulder a number of times. It would often start with a simple clash, and the next thing I know, we’d be “fighting.”
Clashes usually happen when things come from opposite directions. This might be the reason why we’d have these “fights.” Ever since college, Alfie and I were complete opposites. Alfie was disciplined and I was chaotic. Alfie was serious and I was overly carefree. Alfie was diligent and I was lazy.
In my mind, Alfie was the ideal student. I still remember when we first became classmates: it was Philosophy I. We’d all sit at the back row, and she’d sit beside her friend Rizza. They’d always come to class prepared whereas I’d come to class late and praying that the professor wouldn’t call me.
Now, if Alfie was the ideal student, I was the disaster waiting to happen. And eventually, it did.
Alfie and I were again classmates in the advertising class of Prof. Jazmines. (I’m not sure, but I think we were.) For our final project, we were supposed to create an advertising campaign for Trac Corporation – a company that was supposed to manufacture a Pajero type SUV.
My duty then was simple; I was in charge of the print ads. Despite the simplicity of the task, I bombed – big time! On the day of the presentation, not only did I come in late, but I was carrying hideous chicken scratches masquerading as print ads. It was a mortifying experience, and I could only imagine how equally mortified my group mates were of me.
After that incident, I expected myself to be a pariah in the eyes of Alfie and her friends – and it happened – up to a certain extent. I began distancing myself from her group of friends.
During our senior year, our paths crossed again by way of the UP Journalism Club. I was the really, really, really late recruit – joining the club during my senior year. What gave me the courage to join was Grace Paat, who likewise joined the club the same time.
From then came the second wind of our friendship. Founded on writing on the logbooks (and keeping Abe from bastardizing page 69) to buying linoleum for the tambayan, to organizing parties and initiations. This was the time when the bridge of friendship slowly connected Alfie and me.
After college, Alfie disappeared. As it turns out, she moved to Davao to work for an NGO. This was yet another manifestation of how different we were. While she was out there alone trying to change the world, I was with the “yuppies-to-be” in Makati trying to change people’s perceptions about infant formula.
But that was something I’ve come to expect from her. Alfie is, after all, an independent spirit. Among the 10 of us, I can clearly say that she was the first one who really lived, breathed and demonstrated independence.
In college, she would make her own rules and stick by them. Even as young students, I’d always remember her calling the shots whether it’s in school or at home. When we started working, she was the first to move out and get an apartment. In her 20s, she was able to do things that a lot of us took more than a decade to accomplish.
Alfie’s independence is grounded on her maturity, and that maturity is grounded on her level headedness. Mention the word “proseso” and she would be the first name that people will blurt out. She was the type who’d always look at all sides of the issue before answering it.
Here lies another one of her opposites. I usually make decisions based on impulse and instinct. Alfie, on the other hand, would gather all information and almost flowchart it. She’d always look at every possible angle, and that’s where she’d base her decisions. Some of us actually find this “proseso” a bit long-winded, but it’s second nature to her. Just as its second nature for Alfie to be pragmatic and open minded.
And strong. This is another characteristic of Alfie. She has always been one of D’ Frendz’s stronger members.
When her Dad passed away years ago, I remember being at the funeral home as we waited for the wake to commence. Even then, she was a picture of strength. That time, she was concerned about the arrangement of the room, if there was food, and what time we’ll go home. She had an admirable composure that night, and it takes a person of unmatched strength to be able to pull that off.
Despite our numerous opposite qualities, Alfie and I do share some similarities. While being opposites create clashes, physics will also tell us that the clashing of two forces would often result in positive energy. And I think our friendship has a lot of that.
Alfie puts a lot of value into our group’s friendship. In one of her birthday celebrations, she decided to bring D’ Frendz all the way up to Tagaytay for a day trip. She single-handedly took care of every logistical need: from the van that we were to use, to the place where we’ll have lunch, to a coffee place where we’d unwind.
That day created a lot of good memories. Among these, my top 3 favorites would be:
1. Tintin’s exhibiting her penchant for explaining herself. We had a stop over at Jollibee, and not only did she order something, she took time to explain to the crewmember why she’s ordering that.
TINTIN: One hot chocolate, please. Hot chocolate lang ang o-order-in ko kasi kumain na naman ako breakfast kanina.
2. Rona’s impromptu song number at Gourmet Café Tagaytay.
3. Maricar’s near panic attack while we were maneuvering a dark road going down from Tagaytay. Her screams and gasps of panic are still fresh in my mind – and honestly, I was pretty freaked out that time, too.
Even though these events happened more 5 years ago, I recall them as if they happened yesterday. My mom once told me that you know that a memory is valuable to you when it never ages in your mind. These memories have that quality. No matter how long ago it happened, it has remained young. And of course, it never fails to make me smile.
A lot of the memories we’ve created have this quality. We’ve actually organized two weddings together – Mimin’s and Mayee’s. On the subject of weddings, I was also once her default wedding date. There’s one time when we had a party near their old apartment in Mandaluyong and we discussed Sharon Cuneta with her friend Cris. Then there were many times when we’d have impromptu lunches at Jollibee Megamall when I was still an Ortigas baby.
Another quality that Alfie and I share is our generosity. Alfie is a person who has so much to give. We – D’ Frendz – have been witnesses to the times she’s given herself to someone: sometimes to our delight, and sometimes to our consternation.
She gives herself so selflessly. These days, whenever we can’t get wind of Alfie on a weekend, that’s probably because she’s on a medical mission, or a project at the Bilibid prison. Amazingly, though, even if she gives so much of herself, she still has a lot left to give. As the adage goes: a deep well never runs dry. I figure that Alfie must then be a really deep well.
Right now, I feel a bit odd because even if I recall these details about Alfie, I can’t remember the reasons behind our numerous fights and cold shoulders. All I can recall is that there’d be days that we’d just stop talking, and then in a few weeks, we’d start chatting away like nothing happened.
But on hindsight, that’s how good friends usually are. When the level of friendship between two people is so comfortable, both of you can bicker, bitch, brood and bash each other, then wake up the next day as if nothing happened. In my mind, this is how our friendship is.
If you ask Alfie, she’ll tell you that I really can bicker, bitch, brood and bash. In fact, she’d often get a potshot or two, or 35, from me whenever we’d get together. Thankfully, (and hopefully) she never takes them seriously. I guess it’s because she knows that it’s just “carino brutal.” And if I may add, its really more “carino” than “brutal.”
It comes to a point that whenever I give her a complement, she often holds her breath and waits for the comeback. And more often than not, there is a comeback! I think Alfie has known me long enough to know that I’ll say something mean. After all, I’m consistent in doing that.
Which brings me to the final similarity between us – consistency. In my 16 odd years of knowing Alfie, I can say that she’s consistent. She’s consistently levelheaded, consistently pragmatic, consistently subjecting everything to a “proseso,” and consistently generous.
They say that consistency is the hallmark of character. If a person exhibits the same qualities through decades, then it’s something that’s ingrained in her. And if I follow that train of thought, then it means that all of the abovementioned qualities are really within Alfie’s personality.
I couldn’t agree more, of course. Because that’s what I see when I look at her as a friend and as a person. Even if we’re opposites, we do get along. Even if we’re similar, we manage to surprise each other.
And despite our numerous clashes and misunderstandings, she’s always been there for me. The same Alfie who has always been levelheaded, always pragmatic, always ma-proseso, and always generous.
With Alfie, that’s what’s it’s all about.
Happy Birthday, Alfie! (Ang tanda mo na.)
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