The Life of Fi

A few days ago, my sister told me this funny story that happened at their bakeshop. There was a conversation between their server and customer, and it went like this:

CUSTOMER: "Miss, meron ba kayong wi-fi?"
SERVER: (After thinking about it for a while) "Wala po, sir. Ang meron po kami, Chicken fi, Pineapple fi at Apple fi."

Now that's a conversation.

In Stitches

While talking to a dressmaker regarding my friend's wedding gown, we had this interesting conversation:

ME: Gumagawa po ba kayo ng shift dress?
HER: Naku, hindi. Hindi kasi kami gumagawa ng uniform.
ME: Ano pong uniform?
HER: Yung pang-kusinero.
ME: Bakit pang-kusinero?
HER: Yung chef-dress.

Classic!

Feeling like a Tart

A few weeks ago, I discovered the joy of Goldilocks Caramel Tarts when Mark was buying bread to bring to Tokyo. Since then, I've been constantly on the lookout for those wonderful little calorie-laden creations.

Yesterday, I dropped by Goldilocks in Farmer's Plaza on my way home, with the intention of buying a pack of tarts. And this conversation happened:

ME: "Miss, may Caramel tarts po ba kayo?"
MISS: "Meron sir."
ME: "Pa-order ng 2 packs."
MISS: "Ubos na ho lahat, eh."

Gosh! The funny thing is this exact same conversation happened to me previously in Goldilocks Pasong Tamo.

Maybe they're trained to do that to tart-loving folks like me.

Jeepers creepers

Of all the possible times to get a case of mental block, it had to be in a jeep.

I took one en route to Ate's dressmaker to pick-up the dresses she had made. When I saw my stop, I knew I was supposed to say "para," but for the life of me, I forgot the words. The stop was nearing, and my mind was still blank.

So, when the jeep reached the corner, all I could do was shout what was in my head at that time:

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Stop right there!"

Yes, the jeep stopped. And the driver - as well as the rest of the passengers - looked at me strangely as I alighted.

Let it B

There are certain words in the Filipino vocabulary that you don't get to hear everyday. We at D' Frendz call it "makalumang salita."

Today in school, I encountered one such word from Ate Fanny. While I was getting something from the top shelf, she stood beside me to help. Then, she put her arm beside mine and said:

"Suwerte niyo sir. Biniyayaan kayo ng maputi at makinis na balat."

Of course, the only thing that registered was:

"Biniyayaan!"

Yes, that's a "makalumang salita" I haven't heard in a long, long time.

G Whiz!

Saturdays are always fun days for me. This is the day that I get to teach. And despite having to wake up at 5:30am to get to my 7:30am class, I find myself having so much energy to face my 2 classes, and enough energy to consult with my students right after.

Then there are days when classes are extra fun, like today.

Our lesson was about proper interview techniques for Investigative Journalism, and we played "20 questions" as warm-up. Among the 8 pairs that played the game, one pair clearly stood out. Their interaction went something like this:

STUDENT 1: Lalaki ba ito?
STUDENT 2: Oo!
STUDENT 1: May asawa ba ito?
STUDENT 2: Hmmm... Puwede.
STUDENT 1: Bakit puwede? Hindi lang ba mag-isa yung lalaki? Group ba sila?
STUDENT 2: Oo! Oo!
STUDENT 1: Anong first letter ng pangalan ng group? A? C? G?
STUDENT 2: Oo! Oo!
STUDENT 1: G! So, group 'to na ang pangalan nag-sta-start sa letter G! Sikat 'ba itong group na 'to?
STUDENT 2: Oo! Oo!
STUDENT 1: Taga-Pilipinas ba sila?
STUDENT 2: Oo!
STUDENT 1: So, sikat na group ng lalaki na taga-Pilipinas, tapos ang name nila starts with the letter G? Ah! Alam ko na ang answer! Alam ko na!
STUDENT 2: Ano? Dali!
STUDENT 1: GOMBURZA!!!

The word we were trying to make her guess was: Gilas Pilipinas!

Winning quote of the day

Today's winning quote was overheard this afternoon at The Fabric Warehouse in SM Megamall:

LADY: Meron ba kayong telang red velvet? Yung pula.

Winner!

Tell him like it is...

While passing through St. Francis Square this lunchtime, I overhead this conversation between the security guard and another guy:

GUY: Boss, saan ba dito may kainan?
GUARD: Doon po sa 3rd floor, may food court.
GUY: Anong meron doon?
GUARD: May mga fast food doon.
GUY: Ah... 
GUARD: Pero kung wala talaga kayong pera, may mga carinderia diyan sa gilid. Puwedeng doon ka na lang kumain.

I didn't stick around to hear how the conversation ended. But I can't help but wonder where the guy ended up eating.

Poor Zipper

This conversation happened this afternoon at a sewing supply store:

ME: Miss, meron ba kayong exposed zipper?
MISS: Ano po, Sir?
ME: Meron ba kayong exposed zipper?
MISS: Sandali lang po.

(Leaves to call another sales person - a supervisor, methinks.)

MISS 2: Ano po ang hinahanap niyo, Sir?
ME: Exposed zipper.
MISS 2: Ay, wala po kami non.
ME: Okay, thank you.

(As I was walking away, I heard the 2 sales ladies talking.)

MISS: Ano ba 'yung exposed zipper?
MISS 2: Yung zipper na pang-mayaman.

Gosh! There's class distinction everywhere. Even in zippers. Hahaha.

Say that again...

It's probably because of too much Christmas music blaring everywhere.

The past 2 days, I've ridden cabs whose drivers seem to be hard of hearing.

CAB # 1:

One Saturday morning, I took a cab from 20th avenue in Cubao:

Driver: Saan po kayo?
Me: Greenhills.
Driver: Ang layo naman!
Me: Diyan lang ho 'yon, Manong.
Driver: Malayo ang Fairview.
Me: Bakit ho sa Fairview?
Driver: Banda doon ang Litex.

CAB # 2:

It was after our team Christmas party and it was past midnight. I was dropped off at P. Tuazon corner EDSA and was planning to take a cab going home:

Me: Boss, sa 20th po.
Driver: Saan?
Me: Sa 20.
Driver: Bocaue? Huwag na! Ang layo!

It must be something in the air. Christmas air, that is.

How NOT to suggestive sell

Having been part of the fast food industry for a few years, I know a thing or two about "suggestive selling."

In QSR parlance, "suggestive selling" is when you offer the customer some added items over and above what they ordered to "complete their dining experience." That's basically a euphemism for "getting them to spend more."

While I was buying dinner tonight, the waitress tried to do some suggestive selling on me. This is what ensued:

SHE: Sir, so ang order niyo, isang chapchae and isang kimchi.
ME: Yes, that's right.
SHE: Sir, gusto niyong i-upgrade to a meal yung order niyo para may iced tea na.
ME: No, thanks.
SHE: Kasi sir, mag-a-add lang kayo ng P8.00, may large iced tea na kayo.
ME: Actually, hindi kasi ako umiinom ng iced tea. Bawal sa akin ang caffeine.
SHE: (pauses) Okay lang 'yon, sir. Flavoring at sugar lang naman ang iced tea namin. Wala namang tea iyon, so wala ding caffeine...

Needless to say, I still didn't get the iced tea.

And still more moments of saleslady greatness...

On my way home from school, I dropped by The Landmark to look for a bandeaux to go with the T by Alexander Wang tank dress that I bought last week. I knew there were some at the bazaar section, so that's where I decided to look first.

I asked a saleslady where they were, and here's how our conversation went:

ME: Miss, saan dito yung mga bandeaux ninyo?
SL: Ano po yon, Sir?
ME: Saan yung mga bandeaux ninyo?
SL: Ha?
ME: Bandeaux.
SL: (pauses for a few minutes)
ME: (looks at her while she's pausing for a few minutes)
SL: Sir, baka doon ho sa 3rd floor, sa toy section.
ME: Toy section? May bandeaux doon?
SL: 'Diba laruan po, yon? Yung ganito...(then she does the air guitar)
ME: Ah... eh... sige miss, thank you na lang...

Yes, she was playing with the old bandeaux.

That made my day.

Quote of the day

This made my day.

Two students were seated beside each other and they were both writing. One student turns to her seat mate and asks:

"Anong spelling ng O.A.?"

Days like this makes me love my job a bit more.

Scratch That!

Since our school espouses environmental preservation, we're encouraged to reuse scratch paper for our school work. As such, I always print my lecture notes on recycled paper.

Today, out of the blue, I decided to read the essay that I printed my hand-outs on. And boy, I'm sure glad I did! What I read there made my Saturday complete. It was an essay on the advantages and disadvantages of being a woman.

Part of her essay said:

"I'm fortunate enough to be in a family that's full of women. Even my mother was a woman."

Heck, that scratch paper just made me scratch my head.

This story has legs

Yesterday, I had a meeting with a client. Because of that, I had to wear my usual "client wear" which consists of khaki pants, polo and my trusty Clark's.

After the meeting, I went to the printer to check on the color proof of the project that I asked them to do. This was my second time to visit them, and during my first visit, I talked to an AE named Alice.

When I entered their office, there was this girl standing near the reception desk. We looked at each other like we were strangers, and I asked the girl if Alice was there. And here's how the conversation went.

ME: Hi, is Alice here?
ALICE: Ako po si Alice.
ME: Oh, Alice. I'm Lester. Ako yung pumunta dito before para doon sa leaflet project.
ALICE: Ay, opo, Sir Lester. Naalala ko na po.
ME: Sorry hindi kita nakilala agad. Nakasuot ka ng glasses the last time I went here, right?
ALICE: Opo, Sir. Hindi ko din po kayo nakilala, Sir Lester. Kasi nakasuot kayo ng shorts noong huling punta niyo dito.

Yes, I ended the conversation there.

Learning from the past

Scene: It was a fairly regular afternoon at SM Megamall. I went there to check out the travel agency that Grace told me about. After that, I dropped by Plains and Prints to check out their new stocks. (They usually re-stock every Thursday.) While I was there, a nice, perky sales clerk approached me:

SALES CLERK: Good afternoon sir! New arrivals po namin yan!
ME: Okay, thank you.
SALES CLERK: Pang-gift niyo ba sir? May pagbibigyan po ba kayo?
ME: Uh-uh. 
SALES CLERK: Kanino niyo po ibibigay, Sir?
ME: Sa sister ko.
SALES CLERK: Babae po ba siya?

Thank goodness I learned my lesson from the Jeepney Fiasco. (Must. Not. Answer.)

I just looked at her and moved on.

Conversations and Confusion

I take the jeep going to the MRT station, and most of the time, the jeepney rides are boing and mundane.

Today, I hailed a jeep and seeing that the front seat was empty, I decided to sit there. So, it was just me and the driver in the front seats.

When I paid my fare, this conversation ensued between us:

ME: Bayad ho.
DRIVER: (looks at me) Ilan ka?
ME: Isa lang po.


After that conversation, I thought of what happened and let out a chuckle.

I didn't know what was more amusing. The fact that the driver asked a stupid question, or the fact that I answered it.

Quote of the day

Whenever I go to school, I swipe my ID on the turnstile to record my attendance. Once I swipe my ID, my photo automatically appears on the big screen beside the guard.

So today, I swiped my card as I entered campus. The guard walks in front of me, blocking my way, and says in a perky way:

GUARD: Sir, ang galing naman!
ME: Ang galing ng ano?
GUARD: Kamukha niyo yung nasa ID niyo!

As much as I wanted to snap back with a snide remark, I was late for my mock defense.

Wow, pare! Ang labo mo...

This conversation happened to me and another Pinoy who struck a conversation with me upon learning i'm also from the Philippines.

*after talking to him about travelling and the places i've been to.

PINOY: So you've been to a lot of places na pala.
ME: Yup! I love travelling. It's something i'm very passionate about. I love seeing other countries and cultures.
PINOY: Talaga! Ako rin! I really love to travel.
ME: But personally, if i'm visiting a country for the first time, i'd rather go there alone. I know it's weird, but I prefer to travel alone.
PINOY: Ako rin! Whenever I travel gusto ko rin alone ako.
ME: That's good.
PINOY: Galing 'no? Pareho tayong mahilig mag-travel alone. Dapat pala minsan, let's travel alone together.

And for a moment, I was speechless. Yes, it was one of those few, precious moments that I really had nothing to say...